Riding the Crazy Chemo Roller Coaster..Look Ma no hands..WHOOO HOOOO

Well, well, right now I am at the top of the roller coaster wearing my cape the steroids are kicking in, listening to my IPOD singing and grooving (be thankful this is not a video,I am the American Idiot when it comes to singing)

Even though just an hour ago I was crying hard, now I am better see it is a roller coaster :) Do I understand it, UMMMMMM BIG NO, just learning to ride this out. There is not "Cancer Boot Camp" to prepare you for this war, this is a minute to minute, play by play..

I finished treatemnt number 9 ( I am includng all of my treatments, 4 of the chemo, chemo and number 5 of the easier stuff: hair is growing back in so cool to see my hair line growing in and it is so soft like a baby duck..I do rub Olive Oil on my head every morning as this treatment makes my skin dry..Works well and is natural..

I did see the doc (Oncologist) last week he says I am going great, even said I was "AMAZING" Hey, to hear that from a Dr. that deals with cancer all day everyday is an ego boost..:)

Only 7 more of the weekly treatments before surgery, then no more Taxol (Just Herceptin for the remaining time that will be a year so that should end in September 2011 that will be eaiser just one drug (that is bio-targeted just for the cancer cells)

I am doing well (physically), had a bad week just moody they are so right when you hear "Roid Rage" I am just bitchy and very vocal about it, tonight I went with my mom and dad to a resturant (I wore my hat) and the hostess just stares me down, so my parents are lagging behind and I said "Table for 3 please" So, she is just staring at me, I told my parents to hurry before I die..She could not get us to the table fast enough..LOL It was funny, I am finding I stand up for myself more, not gonna anyalize it just going with it..Looking at all the pictures of the last few months it has been some major, major life, physical, mental changes..

Everything has happened so fast, I really do not think I have processed it all it has only been four months and I have been to the doc more then ever in my entire life!!

I am thankful for that in a sense with working, raising my wonderful daughters (it is hard some days with a teenager and me with her hormones and me on steriods is not always a great mix, we work it out and it does bring us closer, she is wanting to find her way and I don't want to let her go, even though I have too..it is hard to trust anything when you don't even really trust your own body so to all of you going through cancer with kids, just take it one day, one situation at a time I have had to learn that and have to work hard at it some days, communication, lots of hugs and being honest, laugh and let your kids teach you to live in the moment, they do that is why they are so happy) Down the roller coaster we ride^^^^~~~~~~~AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH__________ >>> Cape goes flying off damn..(this is the best I can do, I am challanged in the creative area)

I know this week was hard because I was focusing too much on what could be, not what IS, so having to "train my brain" one of my best friends is in town and her mom is in the hospital with breast cancer (she has had it off and on for over 25 years she is a wonderful woman) and she is not doing so well, and to see my best friend now (she has not seen me since my diagnosis) meeting in the hospital room, we just hugged and cried felt so great to hug her, see her mom and her wonderful husband again..It really hit home what cancer can do..It just PISSED me off to no end..Knowing I will be in the hospital soon, does not help..Just tons of emotions all at once..Have to feel them all just so powerful and raw it really is hard to explain, those that know me that I am NUTS already..

I really have got this far by not looking too far back, or ahead, just living in each momen; I guess sometimes you have to look back just to see how far you have come, the road of life will unfold slowly, if we move to fast we will fal, at the turns some are pretty sharp they do smooth out.

Hands are up, eyes are open letting the Crazy Coaster take me for the next loop..