There is a space invader in my breast..Beam it up Scotty!!

Shock, dumbfounded, scared, ect..when I found the invader that decided to take up a home in my breast, was not there in January when I went for my annual "Well Woman exam" just 5 months earlier; Pain, lump at 12 o'clock on my breast was tender and large, it would come and go get bigger and smaller, hurt not hurt. Research on the web, no history of breast cancer, pain ect. AWWWW it's just a cyst, it will be drained and I can get on with my life! No biggie..(Mind you that is a big thing for a worry wart like me).

So, the end of May 2010 I go to my PCP tell him I found a lump, he asks if I hurt myself, ect..(I think I would know) so he sends me for a mammo the next week. I go for my first mammo ( I am under 40 why would I need one my insurance regs think I don't) WRONG!! I hear the words "It doesn't look good" from the radiologist, this also explains the boxes of tissues on the room) I grab the box in shock. Have her get my mom who came with me, she explains to my mom I hear the word cancer, all I want is to go home and hug my daughters and never let them go. I do just that. I am numb, the biospy is in a few days. I say nothing to no one, nothing is comfirmed without a biopsy in my mind.


June 10th, 2010

Biopsy was done a few days ago, I am at work today is the day, the Dr. did say that she will call me at work no matter what the results were, the tennis match in my head is driving me CRAZY, am I ok, no I am not ok I am gonna die, no this will not kill me, UGHHHHHHHH just friggen call already, the click of the clock is like needles stabbing my ears. My cell rings, it is her she says she will wait until I go outside.

I hear it for the firt time, "It is the cancer, it is Stage 2, Grade 3 very aggressive Invasive Ductal Carcinoma that has gone into the auxillary lymph node (arm pit) Things became surreal, this is NOT me..It cant be, OMG what am I going to tell my girl's, I go inside grab a piece of paper, my knees are weak..

I don't have to say anything to anyone the look on my face is enough, I struggle to write all the information given to me not understanding or wanting too. I get off the phone and just let out a yell, my wonderful co-workers run to my side hugging and consoling me. Offering to drive me home, I am in a total daze, I get home and my girls are there with my mom laughing and just being kids, mom is cooking lunch.

I pray to God for the strength to get me through telling them the news. He does, I am calm now we know the problem, lets focus on the solution. They cry in disbelef, shock, I am pissed to even have those words leave my lips to their precious ears, the F word seems more pleasant at this point then the Big C..I get into my bathing suit head to the pool, the girl's swim I have my phone's and the phone calls pour in, appts, MRI's, PET SCANS, (I used to make these appts for patients, not BE the patient) Everything is done for me, I just have to show up, the rollarcoaster starts here wish I wasn't tall enough to ride this ride..:)